New Years Eve 2006
This year had been a very busy, eventful, exciting, happy and sad year. To sum the year up in point form:
- J and I decided to start trying to concieve in March
- Experienced horrific painful sciatica for the first time in May (we believe due to a slipped disc that occurred when I fell down the stairs in 2005)
- Car accident in June (car written off completely)
- Broken arm due to car accident, J had an inflamed rotator cuff
- Got brand new car (in bright yellow!) due to previous one being written off
- Took J to the Sydney Theatre to see Umbilical Brothers
- Bought plane tickets to go to the US to see J's family in February 07
- Great deal of professional advancement and considered an 'asset' and valuable person in the Dept
- J proposed (yes.. after we'd been married a year!) and gave me an engagement ring he designed
- J built me my very own computer (very snazzy and all mine!)
- Many wonderful movies/dinners/shows seen with J
- Got offered a new permanent position at work
- Found out we were pregnant - very very excited and happy
- Turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy - emergency surgery, little one and tube removed
- Family went to Peru; leaving J and I alone for Christmas and New Years
Looking at that list it doesn't look like the greatest year does it?
I'm so blessed for the past year however as it has taught me many things.
To name a few : patience, faith, importance of family and friends, how much people really do care about me, value of beliefs and value of self, pain management! (no pain in the world comes close to the excruciating pain of sciatica.. I will endure any other pain I experienced the past year again except the sciatica).
Next year is going to be a year filled with amazing opportunities, experiences and wonders. Next year is going to be a great year.. whatever it holds.
New tattoos
Below are the tattoos that J and I got to honour our little one. They are on our left wrists - reason for this is two fold. Left side as that is the tube that was removed, and on the wrist as we wanted it in a place where we would both see it often.
These pics were taken on the day we got them so they're looking a little swollen and blotchy.
First big update - wish it were happier
This wasn't what I was originally going to post here - but this (unfortunately) is the latest.
Today is my first day back at work since that eventful trip to the hospital.
Firstly.. I want to thank everyone that sent their love and support – certainly means a great deal and was so heartening to know so many people care about us
I know J emailed most to tell what was happening but I’ll give a little more detail.
On Wednesday last week I went to the Early Pregnancy clinic at St George Hospital as I was concerned about spotting I was having. It hadn’t stopped at all – if anything was getting heavier.
I saw a Dr there and he sent me to get an ultrasound in the hospital grounds as it didn’t sound right to him. During the ultrasound it was discovered that my womb was empty. I had a sac of liquid in there, but there was nothing in the sac (and that is where the baby is meant to be). What was seen on the ultrasound however was a growth on my ovary. I was sent back to the Dr I saw and he was paged. He came to see me immediately and told me that he was very sorry but that there was no healthy pregnancy. It was either a miscarriage or an ectpoic pregnancy (pregnancy outside of the womb - usually in the fallopian tube) and that I couldn’t leave until they knew what was going on.
I had to follow him to the maternity ward where I sat for a number of hours as he had to go off and do surgery. J arrived at the hospital and they took my blood. The results came back showing that the pregnancy hormone was still rising in my body – meaning that there was a pregnancy, but in a place where she shouldn’t be.
The Dr came back and talked to me and told me what was going to happen. I was scheduled for immediate surgery – after they knew it was ectopic they got me in for surgery in under 2 hours. I was taken down to the operating theatre (I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared) and the last thing I remember is being given an injection that the Dr said would make me feel like I’d just had 5 alcoholic drinks. When I woke up I was in recovery, and in some pain.
I forget the proper name for it, but they made keyhole incisions in my belly and put a camera in there to see what was happening. There are 3 incisions altogether. One in the belly button, one just above the pubic region and one on the left side. They’re all doing well but I have some pretty ugly brusing on my belly.
My fallopian tube had ruptured due to the baby growing in the tube and I was bleeding internally – the tube was beyond repair and the whole tube had to be removed, along with the little one that had implanted there.
I stayed in hospital for one night but went home the next day (Thursday). I must say that I HATE hospitals! Couldn’t sleep.. just yuck.
Yesterday I went back to the Dr so he could follow up to make sure all was ok. He said I’m healing very well and that I will be fine. He was a wonderful Dr and I am very thankful that I saw him. On the Wednesday (operation day) he told me he wanted to make sure he did the surgery himself – which he did do. The next day when he came to see me he was lovely and even gave me a hug.
My chances of conceiving have not lessened in any way now that I have one tube – and in some ways it may be a little easier as the little sperm only have one tube to travel up so they can’t get lost.
My chances of another ectopic have increased however. All women have a 1% chance of having ectopic. I was in that 1% it seems. Once you have had one ectopic, my chance of another one is now 10%. There is still 90% chance there wont be ectopic so that is still a high percentage everything will be fine.
The Dr said we can start trying again after I get my next period if that is what we want to do (which surprised me – I thought it would be a longer wait than that). The Dr was very optimistic about us conceiving again – being so sure that it will happen he said he wants us to send him photos when we do have our little one so that he can see.
Some days it’s easier than others… I’ve had some good cries and am feeling very conflicting things. I’m feeling grief, sadness, anger (why did this have to happen to me?? What did I do to deserve this? I’m a good person! It isn’t fair..) and relief and it swaps from one to the other many times during a day.
On the whole though I am feeling positive and am pleased the Dr thought there was a problem and bothered to follow up. He was unhappy with the Emergency Dept as he says they should have admitted me when I went in on the Friday night. The Dr said that if it had progressed I could have died – so I’m very happy that I’m alive, that I’m ok and it is also better for the little one. She would have been in pain growing inside the tube and is now better off herself also. I would rather this than she be in pain and not be ok in there. So while she passed away it was better for her (as she is no longer in pain) and better for me (as I’m alive and well)
J is also grieving and feeling conflicting things. I feel so blessed to have him as he has been so wonderful and supportive and fantastic.
We named the little one. We’ve called her Belle. We called her that for 2 reasons – she was conceived around Beltane (pagan fertility sabbat), and also she would have been beautiful.
We’re both getting matching tattoos in honour of her and so that we have something permanent so that she is a part of us forever. We’ll be getting those tattoos very soon (in the next few weeks) and I think it will also be a little bit of closure for us.
Will post more soon.
Has it been a year??
I can't believe how long it has been since I last posted here! Too long, just too long!
So many things have happened since the last time I posted here, not really sure where to begin!
We're now in December.. making it almost a year since I last posted!
Will be adding a big entry very soon... just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive and well!
